Hey all, sorry about my absence from my Backlash preview/reviewing, but my computer got struck by lightning and developed artificial intelligence, asked to be called "Johnny 5" and refused to let me type anything up on it for the whole week of Backlash. Cost me a fortune in repair bills to get that one fixed. Anyway, I'm back now for Smackdown's latest PPV offering, and I've decided, much like Johnny Hennigan/Spade/Blaze/Nitro, I'm changing my ring name and from now on would like to be known as Dave Oktober. Catchy, huh? Anyway, this time around Judgement Day is upon us, and my format's changing somewhat - no longer will I be the sole review/previewer of this segment. Joining me will be my trusty PS2 (plus a copy of Smackdown: Here Comes the Pain), and my little brother Gordon, who's 6 and loves René Dupreé, the RKO, watches RoH and TNA on the wrestling channel and makes fun of Edge's lame spear. He rocks! Gordon, that is, not Edge and his running hug. Anyway, its Saturday afternoon and post-Smackdown but pre-Heat, 7 matches have been announced plus the promise of Mordecai "in action". Lets get things started!

Tag team title match: Rico and Charlie Haas vs. Billy Gunn and Hardcore Holly.

Dave Oktober: Hmm... Why are Gunn and Holly getting a title match at the expense of Too Cool, the Bashams, London and Kidman etc? I suppose, this is Smackdown and it hasn't exactly been making much sense (or, y'know... actually being good) lately. This'll pretty much be a throwaway match I reckon, probably with the 'hilarious' comedy spot of Rico going for a kiss on Gunn and Billy being entirely indifferent to it, before getting German suplexed for the pin. I think Gunn's character is supposed to be bisexual/open-minded or something, but some actual continuity between Rico and Billy is too much to ask for at the moment. Continuity isn't exactly Smackdown's strong point.

Winners: Rico and Charlie Haas.

PS2: I don't have Hardcore Holly or Billy Gunn, so unless you want to spend hours making them then let me have this one off. On a funny note though, Rico's finisher in the game is the "bites a forehead" move, and it actually looks quite like a kiss. Funny, huh?

Gordon: I think Rico and Charlie Haas are going to win.

Winners: Rico and Charlie Haas.

General Consensus: Champions retain.

Torrie Wilson vs. Dawn Marie

Dave: Mmmm... Dawn Marie. Could one woman possibly be any hotter? Anyway, the match should be short, pointless filler, possibly some very mild T&A, and a bathroom break for all but the horniest teenagers. Who probably WOULD take a bathroom break during it, but for entirely different reasons... This is going to a disturbing place now, I'll stop. Do the Smackdown writers remember that Dawn killed Torrie's dad a year ago?

PS2: I don't have Dawn Marie, either. Plus, I make Torrie look really, really ugly.

Gordon: I don't care. I think the match is just going to be hopeless. Torrie sucks.

Dave: Yeah, she does... Although I'm sure we're thinking of entirely different things, oh innocent one...

General Consensus: This match will suck, and nobody cares who will win.

United States title: John Cena vs. René Dupreé

Dave: I like René. He's only 20, that's just 3 years older than me, and already is more at home in the ring and more comfortable than someone like... say... Bradshaw (oh don't worry, we'll get to him later). Cena's hugely over no matter what he does, just do a vanilla, crowd-pandering rap, hit the 5 moves of DOOOOM, F-U then get the win. Or on PPV, F-U, kick out, shot with chain, second F-U, win. Here though, I think the young Frenchman might win it. Cena's over no matter what, and barely uses the US title as anything more than an oversized belt buckle, whereas Dupreé could get a huge amount of heat with his American-bashing while holding the US title.

Winner: René Dupreé

Gordon: René Dupreé, because Nidia's going to run down.

Dave: Nidia? But she's on Raw...

Gordon: Hmm... I can't really think of anything then.

Dave: So who'll win?

Gordon: Cena. He'll use the chain while the referee's down.

Winner: John Cena

PS2: I don't technically HAVE Dupreé... But I do have Nicholai Volkoff. He used to come down to the ring waving a flag, does that count? Anyway, Nich... Ahem, RENÉ wins it with a backbreaker, after kicking out of an F-U.

Winner: René Dupreé

General Consensus: Sorry Gordon, but you're outvoted thanks to an inanimate lump of black plastic and circuits. While the PS2 was running though, Gordon cracked me up by announcing he thought that Fifi the poodle should do commentary on the match, and he'd "probably be better than Michael Cole". He's proving more entertaining than Smackdown itself lately!

Cruiserweight Title: Jacqueline vs. Chavo Guerrero, who will have one hand tied behind his back

Dave: OK, a little rant coming up... I know the original plan was for Matt from Tough Enough to be the mystery opponent, but did they REALLY have no better backup plan when he got injured than Jacqueline?! Paul London, Shannon Moore, Akio, plus the whole of OVW to work with, and the best they could come up with was to have Chavo, one of the company's top heels, was to lose the title to a middle-aged woman who hasn't been on TV for over a year, and is employed purely on the basis of her enormous breasts? Poor Chavo... If he doesn't win this match extremely convincingly, he can say goodbye to any sort of credibility he, the title or the entire division once had.

Winner: Chavo (or else)

PS2: I don't have Jacqueline, but if I did Chavo would utterly squash her anyway. Things are better this way, you don't have to sit through the pain of an actual match.

Winner: Chavo

Gordon: *spends a long time thinking* Chavo. His dad'll interfere for him.

Winner: Chavo

General Consensus: Chavo really, really needs to win this. Really. For the sake of whatever's left of the cruiserweight division.

RVD & Rey Mysterio vs. The Dudley Boyz

Dave: I'm actually really looking forward to seeing RVD and Mysterio as a team - I've always been a fan of the high-flying style, so in a pay-per-view match that'll probably allocate them quite a bit of time some good things should come of this. Probably be the match of the night, and my picks are RVD & Mysterio to win with a combination double-team move like we saw on Smackdown two weeks ago.

Winners: RVD & Rey Mysterio

PS2: Finally, a match I can properly simulate! Mysterio picks up the fall over D-Von following a 619, and its worth noting that Gordon sat through the whole match chanting "we want tables," "arrrrrrrriba!" and "we like biscuits".

Winners: RVD & Rey Mysterio

Gordon: Hmmm.... RVD and Rey Mysterio, because Rey Mysterio will do the 619, then tag in Rob Van Dam and then Rob Van Dam will do the Vandaminator.

Dave: Won't he get disqualified?

Gordon: Oops, I meant frog splash.

Winners: RVD & Rey Mysterio

General Consensus: RVD & Mysterio

The Undertaker vs. Booker T

Dave: How else is this going to turn out? Booker T will hit him with a scissors kick, Book End, steel chair, the urn, the ring will collapse on him and Mordecai will run in, but Taker will no-sell it, sit up, and deliver the tombstone for the win. At least he's actually here for this feud, unlike his last one.

Winner: Undertaker

Gordon: I think the Undertaker's going to win, because he will not sell anything that Booker T does and then sit up, then do the Last Ride and get the pin.

Winner: Undertaker

PS2: Wow. Utter, utter squash. True to life, huh? Two Last Rides, Booker got busted open then Undertaker won it with a dragon sleeper. He also sat up twice, out of a scissors kick and a low blow.

Winner: Undertaker

General Consensus: Undertaker by a country mile.

Main Event: WWE Title: Eddie Guerrero vs. John 'Bradshaw' Layfield

Dave: Ah, a technical masterpiece in the making no doubt, as the speed and quickness of Eddie meets the powerhouse, smash-mouth style of Bradshaw. Or... The godliness of Eddie Guerrero vs. the black hole of suck, Bradshaw. Seriously, who on earth thought it would be a good idea to push F'N BRADSHAW to the main event?! Oh wait, don't tell me... She has enormous, fake breasts and is married to Triple H. This is the main reason why this pay-per-view will get one of the lowest buyrates in history, Bradshaw is awful in the ring and yet has been pushed above the likes of Booker T, RVD, hell, even the Undertaker would be better here! 2 months since Wrestlemania to plan, and the best they could come up with is this. Pitiful, utterly pitiful. I'm guessing that the idea lately has been to try and get as much heat on Bradshaw as possible so that casual fans tune in to see him get his ass kicked, but instead its only resulted in some of the slowest, most unconvincing segments in recent memory. No way in hell Eddie's losing here, the real question is whether he can drag anything remotely half-decent from this mess.

Winner: Eddie Guererro

PS2: I don't have Bradshaw, thankfully. I was planning on using Ted DiBiase instead, but he's actually good so it might skewer the outcome somewhat. No contest.

Gordon: That's an easy one - Eddie will win. He'll do the frog splash and pin. Bradshaw will probably mess up very badly, because he sucks a lot.

Winner: Eddie Guerrero

General Consensus: Eddie Guererro retains.

Dave: So that's Judgement Day. Smackdown really is in a sorry state right now, two whole months they've had to build to this yet this is the best they could come up with - over half of these matches weren't even added until the last week, with very little or no build at all to them. As usual, I doubt that this will actually be as bad as most think it will be, but my interest level in it is extremely low, and no way would I pay for it if it weren't being shown for free on Sky Sports, and I think that the buyrates will reflect this. Smackdown really is in trouble right now, lets just hope this event brings closure to a very bad period of time for them and next week starts afresh on the build towards Vengeance. I've been your host for the proceedings, and until next time - Oktober out.

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